It is a duck. Take aim and shoot. That what these pickpockets have done. Taken me for a sitting duck. God knows how many cell phones I have lost to them. Ofcourse I know how many! Now I will not divulge the number of phones I have…err…shared with this bunch. I would be hurting the sentiments of some people, you know, if I did.

These pickpockets are people, just like you and me. Regular people trying to make a living. Why are they attracted towards ma bling is anybody’s guess really. Now, this very good friend of mine got an iPhone recently. And hold your horses! He still has it, fingers crossed! But you know, there’s always this look on the face of people (including myself, once upon a time) who just got or have one of these fancy handsets. Always those lines of worry on their forehead. They put in a lot of money for this piece of junk or got someone else to burn a hole in their pocket. Either way, there is a lot of money at stake. You can’t afford to see a lil scratch here or there…or worse, see thieving good for nothings make off with it. And when something like that happens, a lot of things come in perspective. Makes you think. Makes you admire the talent of that guy. Really, they’re pretty smooth. Ask me, I’m a veteran. Also makes you wonder, why did I ever get that phone?! MP3 player, Radio and a gazillion megapixels camera?! Common! They’re just gimmicks!

The basic functions of a cell phone are to make/receive calls, SMS and most important of all-to protect itself. Yes, you heard it right- to protect itself. From physical damage and even more importantly, from these God damned pickpockets. You want to listen to music on the go? Get yourself an MP3 player. You want to take pictures on the go? Get yourself a camera, they aren’t as big as they used to be anyway. What else? Internet? Learn to be more patient, wait to get home/office. Or just get a laptop with a datacard or something. Whatever! My point is, God made mobile phones so that people can keep in touch, wherever, whenever. But we just had to tinker with it, just like everything else, didn’t we?! We just had to stuff them with endless functions and possibilities. And what happened? Half of these funky cell phone owners don’t know how to operate their own phones! The others, who do know, are just a mix of wannabes and nerds. Believe me, I’ve been there!

A real person, as per me, uses his handset to make/receive a call and exchange text messages. The way it was meant to be. They really don’t have the time to fool around. Because this fooling around is costing us a lot of money! Phones, they just keep getting more expensive! God damn it, they have phone insurance now! What for? For an instrument which was just meant for simple communication!

Phones these days have the technology to launch inter-continental missiles. True story. They can even land un-manned spaceships on the Moon. Very soon they’ll even cook your dinner and do your laundry. Yeah right. They can do all this but they can’t protect themselves! If you drop your phone, it’s your fault. If you were careless enough to lose it someplace or to someone, it’s that thieving guys fault! Agreed? So why can’t they build a phone which can protect itself? ’cause if they did, no cell phone would ever get displaced and they- the Nokias, Sony Erriccsons, Apples and BlackBerrys would have to wait for you to repeatedly drop your phone until you couldn’t tell one piece from the other. Now that would be bad for their business. So they’ll give every other function under the tree, except a phone which can protect itself. Something which could throw laserbeams or balls of fire at the intruder!

Naah, that aunt gonna happen. Ever. And I figured all this out just yesterday. But subconsciously I had known this for quite some time. That why I got the most basic Nokia handset available in the market. Rs.1300 for a phone which has its basic features, endless battery backup and a torch too! One more thing I got with it and that was peace of mind! Really isn’t a bother for something which you could buy just for a lil over a grand. If I lose it, I could always get another one, without worrying about the monthly budget. And trust me, no self-respecting pickpocket will go for my phone. No sir, they won’t. And if someone does, he/she (there are female pickpockets too) would be the sorriest human being ever. Enough said. Peace.

There you are, didnt I say that we need to focus on alternative fuels?! Petrol is going to be Rs.3 more expensive or if they arent rumours, prices could go up by more than Rs.10…and despite all this there is simply no talk and more importantly any efforts towards ‘something’ that can replace petrol. I dont know, I really have a feeling that somethings fishy…I mean there is more oil out there than what is being reported or these oil companies (in association with automobile manufacturers) are keeping something secret…something which will eventually replace petrol for good, something that is there in abundance and hence wont earn these oil cartels as much money as a petrol-driven world can. I am not ready to believe that there is a shortage of oil, shortage of fuel and no one’s doing a a thing about it. People say solar energy will be the next big thing but havent we been hearing this for years now. All the solar powered vechiles available for commercial use are quite lame-they dont match the performance given by petrol engines. There is definitely something which we should know and which is being kept away from us. What do you guys think?

You\'re out!

Happy Happy!

I hardly have any words…!!!

That raised bat is a big middle finger raised to England! Yipeekiyay m**********s!

Come one, come all…and post your choices abuses, cheers!

Well, well, well-here I’m, back again! Don’t know how many times have I re-started my blog and left myself with another ‘opportunity’ for another restart! Hopefully this time around it keeps going on and on and there are no more…err…restarts!

Have quite a few things on my mind and will have a go at each one of them, ek ke baad ek. Let me begin with Sanju baba aka Munnabhai…the guy’s been sent in for a good six years…Munnabhai chale America? Yeah right! For six years and he’ll surely get a green card by then! Hmm, six years is pretty long, man…wonder what Circuit will do…move to Dubai? Naah, not Dubai, its out of fashion now! Pakistan is the most happenin’ place on the planet! Its the place to be! Ask Dawood or even Bin Laden, they’ll tell you! Moreover the government there will happily deny of having even heard of your name, ever!

I say Sanju baba should not appeal to the Supreme Court. It will be a complete waste of time; his ofcourse! Why not simply, you know, accept it…I got myself in a royal mess, I accept it…now I pay for it…I mean I don’t pay anyone, anything! Sheesh, that’ll make things worse! I’ll serve my time, get out and start all over-again! And do the same kinda roles over and over again and get paid tons of cash for it, cheers!

By the way, don’t you guys think, his life is worthy of an autobiography or somethin’? I’d buy it. We don’t read many good books in India but who knows, Mahesh Bhatt or your pal Sanjay Gupta might actually make a movie outta it. Ram Gopal Varma? Oh puhleese! He has lost it…that RGV thing…don’t make any movies, man-not as a director, not as a producer! Take a break, a long one and watch a lotta DVDs and come back with ‘new’ ideas!

Man, I thought Abdul Kalam would be back as pres…for the sake of the ignorant few-Pratibha Patil is our new pres and the 1st lady to occupy the seat. That ignorant few-bit was necessary…quite a few believe Sharad Pawar or even Jagmohan Dalmiya are at the helm! Gettin back to the issue, I think the pres post should be given to someone who’s famous and respected for the right reasons. Patil came from nowhere to win the race. Kalam was the ideal man. Sonia Gandhi obviously ‘placed’ Patil to be able to make good use of that President’s rule thing in some non-Congress ruled states (U.P. very likely, whadaya think?) and other lil’ powers the Pres enjoys. No use of talkin now…she’ll be here for five years now…by the time she leaves, Sanju baba will start counting his days too…sigh! Ab kya karen...hmm?

We drew and how! We won and (ohmigod!) how! You guys watchin’ cricket or not?! For God’s sake, India thrashed the English (and for a change didn’t manage to grab defeat from the jaws of victory!). The batsman had their part to play but for this one we i just have to give the credit to the bowlers, especially Zaheer and RP! Zaheer, clearly was in the zone while RP bowled absolute rippers! This guy has developed a liking for KP. And I think the criticism showered on Sreesant was a bit too much. I don’t think he bowled that bad an I don’t think that the beamer was deliberate. The ball slipped from his grip when he was trying for a yorker. The ‘jellygate’? Aww common Zaheer! Such incidents bring a lil much needed drama in cricket and as long as they keep inspiring you to take fivers whats the problem?! I say keep them comin’!

To think of it, it really isn’t fair to call us bad tourists now. Since the change of the millenium India have won 16 away-tests. That means we are second to Australia who comfortably sit at the top with 26 to their name. England? 14 wins…ha! And before I close a few words for the English supporters at…Up yours man!

Aah! It still hurts…! Before anything else I’ll wish myself a happy birthday…so a very, very, very happy birthday Pranshu (why, thank you so much)! May all your wishes and dreams be fulfilled…by yourself😉

I dunno if it’s the fad these days but here at AICAR you get your ass whipped…on your very own birthday! Mine was, I guess, more than just ass-smash. I am cutting the cake, wondering, ‘Ha! So many people here to wish me good, they love me, don’t they? Or love to hate me…?’ My doubts vanish, hopes demolish…as the very immediate future turns into the present…lots of crow-like voices sing the happy birthday song…Thums-Up & water poured over me…the cake was to be eaten right? Well, it’s my birthday, I get the cake and get to eat it too…and the lil’ facial that follows…and then, like all my distinguished, decorated and accomplished predecessors I am escorted to ‘the khamba’. And before you know anything you have stinging blows, slaps and all other verbs of inflicting pain raining on your thankfully covered bottom! What do they call it? Birthday bums? Yeah right! This one right here looked more like an attempt to murder!

You guys made hay when the sun shone brightly (and spared the rod when it was hot😉 ). But it ain’t sunny weather always. It was fun while it lasted, wasn’t it?! Well, well, well, I have had my share…and now you all face the music…for the next 364 days! Mr.Debabrata Dash aka Bapu, I’m gonna kill you and this is one of those rare promises I intend to keep…be afraid…be very afraid…mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

P.S.- Err…umm…hmm…when is Jaimeen’s birthday…huh?!

Sigh…It gets even more depressing for the cricket fan in me…first we lose to Bangladesh and now outclassed by the Lankans. Its so frustrating…like nobody cares at all. Millions were on the Indian team and now its all gone-thats all they care about, their money…Cricket as always is on the back burner. Dunno what was all the hype about. A layman would have told you that the team didnt look ready…for anything. Yes, their makeup was in place and they made sure it stays that way. Cant believe players of the caliber of Dravid, Tendulkar, Ganguly will end their careers without a major tournament win…And someone like Laxman will never get to play a World Cup…wtf was he left out? Only Dravid and him can bat on difficult pitches…and why was Ramesh Powar left out? Harbhajan isnt a really wicket-taker these days…Powar can take wickets and make a few quick runs…anyway…so whats next…Dravid has a couple of years in him but I dont see him leading the team in the next world cup…who’ll take over? Sehwag? Yuvraj? None of the two are very dependable…and what about Chappell? He’s contract is awaiting a renewal and I hope he’s sacked…naah he isnt the deal…would have loved to see his brother take the team under his charge…or Woolmer…

Damn you Pakistan Cricket. You killed him. Yes you. Its certain it was a murder and I’m pretty sure theres foul play involving the team and the PCB authorities…there just has to be…Woolmer took a very big risk when he chose Pakistan to coach and damn he was wrong this time…they didnt deserve him…or anything good for that matter…damn Woolmer will be missed…he was one of the big-4 in the cricketing world whose opinion made sense to me…Woolies gone…

If India are in deep shit, Pakistan have flushed themselves down the commode and probably are stuck some place very difficult to get out of. Pakistan Cricket stinks. They couldnt make any good of the best there was. They fucking killed him. Woolmer never got the Pakistan he wanted…was always a deputy to Inzi. He had big plans for them. And they had some plans of their own…for him…sinister plans…fucking bastards. What a waste…